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Don't expect to change a teenager's style of behaviorNow is not the time to give him guidelines to follow, now, it only remains to empathize with him, and understand where his rebellion comes from.
Remember there are no troublesome teens, but children who grew up with suffering, even having given him everything as parents. And it is that, the perception of each one, of how he feels what he receives, is a perception that we cannot reach, only accept the answer that our children return to us in adolescence, after having given him everything we thought he was the best for him, as a child. Here are some tips to prevent your child from becoming a rebellious teenager.
If changing your own behavior is difficult, it is hard enough, since it requires sensitive awareness, strong motivation and determined persistence. Changing the behavior of another person during an argument is practically impossible.
- "Change yourself and the world will change"
Therefore, the first thing we are going to do is, focus on what you say and do when you are with a "difficult" person. Observe yourself and write down everything you have felt, both sensory, emotional or cognitive (what you notice in your body, what you have felt, what you have thought).
And the following will be, take enough strength to change your usual pattern of relationship with that person, and this will change the relationship between the two. You have to propose to make the change to relate from now on, in a different way, and for this, you can use these tips:
1. Let go of old resentments and start building more cooperative relationships. To do this, invest time and energy in educating your children. Without this, it is difficult for us to get relationships to improve.
2. Learn to set limits. Part of what happened in the relationship with the rebellious adolescent is that we have set porous limits, with which, now, may be the time to look for rules and consequences, in the case of not being fulfilled. These rules must be consensual by the adolescent and the parents.
3. Help him manage suffering. As I said before, the child has grown up with some suffering that he now manifests through rebellion, help him manage that suffering, if you think you are not ready, look for him and offer him help. But ... that suffering has been interpreted by some lack of his parents, with which, he also explores within you or of you, to find out what is the belief or lack that he has interpreted as diminished or negative.
4. Don't burden your child with too many responsibilities. Finally, in the case of mothers who are separated, or the other parent does not take charge of their child's education, it often happens that mothers seek the support or affection that they lack through their children's relationship, making them responsible or mature for something that does not correspond to them, therefore, mom, work on that lack, to balance the relationship.
From now on, you have to learn to co-create a new family history, among all of us and for this, you must be kind in your new approaches and understanding towards them, you must hold them responsible without blaming them, You must encourage them to change without going beyond their limits or help them expand their resources to face the new world of relationships that is proposed to them.
Remember that we want dear children and not perfectTherefore, accept their imperfection and do not avoid the consequences of their decisions, even if it hurts us and we feel that it is our duty to protect them, they will not learn otherwise until they experience their own decisions, and we will always be there to help them recover. .
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